The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

Dumb. AF. — April 22, 2018

Dumb. AF.

Do you know how frustrating it is when you see so much potential in someone but they keep proving you wrong? When everyone you’re NOT interested in are doing the things you wish that ONE person would do?

Is something wrong with us? We know our worth but it’s so hard to put our thoughts into actions. We can complain all day about someone but we can’t seem to return the treatment that we receive.

It’s like we’re waiting for them to prove us right. We’re infatuated with the idea of them but can’t accept the reality.

It’s always that one person that comes along and turns your brain into mush. They will literally have you questioning the greatness that spills from your pores!

One of my best friends and I are currently going through this. We give each other GREAT advice but can’t seem to practice what we are preaching.

And I feel bad for the people that are actually doing the things that I deserve… because I want nothing to do with them. Why is it so easy for me to dismiss the good seed and impatiently wait for the bad one to grow? I’m honest about my feelings to these individuals and they still keep trying. I just want to yell out “LEAVE MY UNGRATEFUL A** ALONE PLEASE”.

Can we make a promise to STOP doing this to ourselves? Stop allowing ain’t sh*t a** people make you feel like you’re not worth a text message in the morning or a phone call at night. Stop allowing confused individuals make you feel like you’re not worth some type of commitment and persuade you to accept them juggling you plus 6 other people. If they don’t support you or show interest in your happiness, then LET THEM GO.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

I AM WORTH IT. 

*drops mic*

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It really takes a village… — March 24, 2018

It really takes a village…

It bugs me when a woman states that she does everything on her own when she has help. Give credit where credit is due, ladies. If the father is active in your child’s life without being forced by FOC, you’re not doing it alone. If your mom or another family member watch your kids for FREE while you try to maintain sanity in your life, you are definitely NOT alone.

And can we please end the bitter baby mommas club? If you want to be with the man, tell him. If he doesn’t want you, move on. AND if you can’t move on, be bitter in silence. DO NOT take it out on your child. You may think you’re punishing their father but you’re really hurting your seed while stabbing yourself in the big toe.

So things have ended with their father and you THINK you want your child around you alllll the time. Let’s be honest, no one does. Kids are great but EVERYONE needs their alone time. That day or two they spend with the other parent can be your day or two of self-love. It is hard the first few visits but believe me when I say that it gets easier.

Remember that every social interaction and every relationship that’s built in your kid’s life is important in shaping their personality. If someone is going to be the bad root in their life, give your child the opportunity to see it for themselves rather than forcing into their heads. It’s natural to want to protect your kids from negativity but sometimes that protection can turn around and slap you. It can cause your child to resent you later on down the road.

I struggled with this in the past. I wanted to be the THAT parent and the ONLY parent because I viewed my boys’ father as a negative seed. I thought “he hurt me so of course, he’s going to hurt them”. I had to take a step back and view their father from their perspective. At that time, my boys didn’t (and still don’t) understand what we were going through. They just saw their “da-da”… this man that made them laugh, bought them toys, and wiped their tears. It hurt me to see them hurting when they couldn’t see their father.

I had to learn that I cannot do this alone.

As much as people view me as super mom, I have a team of people that help keep the show going. And the older my boys get, the larger that team grows.

 

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F is for… — March 14, 2018

F is for…

When was the last time you called your friend who lives 8237483 miles away from everyone they know? Or can you even recall the last time you met up with your bestie?

It’s about time that you…

CHECK IN.

I can count on one hand how many real friends I have that live within 30 minutes of me. The rest live miles away, which doesn’t bother me because I always have a couch to crash when visiting. I used to let life take over me and I forgot about these friends. We would pick back up on conversations from months ago.. which was nice but it didn’t entirely feel right. Why did I let all this time past without saying hello?

I used to make excuses such as “I don’t have time”, “I’m busy”, “They’re probably too busy”.. but I could scroll on social media for hours on end. Things weren’t adding up.

I’m a firm believer in you make time for what you want. I just wasn’t putting friends, my TRUE and GENUINE friends, as a priority in my life.

I thought “oh, they posted this.. they must be okay” not realizing that social media is the best mask we wear EVERYDAY. I didn’t take time to find out how they really were doing.

CHECK IN ON YOUR FRIENDS.

I’m not saying that you must engage in a five-hour phone call every day. A simple “hey, how are you” is more than enough. When you ask how they’re doing, pay attention to keynotes in their response. Don’t take “I’m okay” as an answer. Ask engaging and open questions.

Your parent friends are most definitely important to check in with as well.

Why?

BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT US. 

Those little humans that we create become a top priority in our lives and everyone’s life surrounding them. The emotions we have are often bottled up and pushed to the side.

Parents are the forgotten group. 

Invest time to the people that matter to you. It can also be self-medication. Your friend’s words can help you in ways that you didn’t know needed to be helped. Also, interaction outside of social media is good every now and then.

Friendships are like plants… you have to show it a little love or eventually, it will die.

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Old flex is my new flex — March 11, 2018

Old flex is my new flex

Can I just say that I’m so happy that I didn’t delete this account?

I tried to embark on a new journey with a friend, but this quickly turned into a major FAIL. The idea was great at first but an idea/project can only go so far if the passion is not 100% there. Before starting the YouTube channel, I was on a long writing vacation. I was suffering from severe writer’s block, partly because I was too consumed with maintaining a social life. The days I should’ve kept to myself were spent with out and about.. in other words, I was doing ratchet things with my sophistaratchet friends.

But I started to miss the thing that I thought I wasn’t meant to do…

Writing

And I soon realized that my words were missed by others.

I never thought writing was for me. Starting this blog was an idea from a former professor, who saw something in me that I couldn’t see until now. I never meant for this to turn into a career… it was just my weekly release. A release that created a connection to others.

Sorry for being so indecisive.

But I’m back. ❤

Love, KC.

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It’s time. — September 17, 2017

It’s time.

I’ve officially reached that stage in life where everyone is getting engaged. To non-engaged but taken people, this means the pressure is on for the relationship… and for my singles, this means the pressure is on to find their soulmate. But to me, this means I get to wear those heels that I bought forever ago and never wore.

I do not feel pressured and my kids play a big part in that. Dating as a single parent is different. You take longer to open up to someone and you judge them extremely hard for the simple fact that you’re not only dating for yourself, you’re dating for your kids. Whoever you choose to bring into your life has to be right for them as well.

It kills me when I watch other single mothers date and their child meets every man they date/sleep with. These men build relationships with their children and then he’s stripped from their lives when they realize he’s not the one. If the introduction happens early into the relationship, he should be known as a friend and nothing more until you know the relationship is solid. I don’t think the kids should NOT see him spending the night as well.

Some people ask “am I lonely”… how could I be? I have two boys in my face every minute of the day and two cuddle buddies at night. I’m a full-time working mom. I hardly have any time to get “lonely”. I have best friends for date nights and a mom who still spoils me with gifts.

Honestly, I LOVE BEING SINGLE although I have been actively dating. I’m not looking for anything serious but I do give the guy a chance to change my mind.

I am excited for all of my friends that have found their soulmate and they’re about to take the next step in their relationship. I can’t wait for all of the open bars and endless nights of dancing that are in my future. Congrats to you!

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What is family? — August 31, 2017

What is family?

I’ve been slapped with the reality that in a few short weeks I will have a four-year-old. It feels like it was yesterday when I started this blog, pregnant and stressed, about entering motherhood. Fast forward to today where I have a wonderful, happy, and intelligent kid who I couldn’t imagine my life without.

With birthdays come presents, planning, and parties. I decided to save the party for the big age 5 next year… but I’m already trying to come up with ideas. A little part of me is nervous though.

Growing up, I never liked when my mom threw birthday parties for me. At the time, I never felt like they were “for me”. It was filled with a lot of her friends and their kids who I never spoke with. I also didn’t like being the center of attention… being forced to greet everyone that walked through the door whether I knew them or not. But now looking back, I appreciate everything that my mom did. We grew up with little family in Michigan and my mom just wanted to make sure I felt special on my day. She invited everyone she knew so my parties wouldn’t be empty and depressing. She stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to prepare for “my guests”. She did everything in her power to make sure this one day of the year was all about me.

While I love and appreciate the few family members that I know, I always wondered what it’s like to be surrounded by cousins, aunts, and uncles during a holiday. What is it like to attend a family reunion or have big family traditions? One thing I always feared for my kids was that they wouldn’t understand what family means or they would be envious of their friends and their family situation.

I have a few relatives on my father’s side that live in the U.S and I find it extremely sad that I don’t know who they are. Yes, I’ve met them before when I was younger but they never seemed to want to build any type of relationship with me. Just recently I saw my father’s sister had a facebook page and commented on my sister’s page… and I must admit I was jealous. Never once did she reach out to me to say “congrats on graduating high school”, “congrats on graduating college”, “congrats on the birth of your child”… not even a “happy birthday”. Nothing.

Did she expect me to reach out to her? Wasn’t she the adult in our situation?

I don’t believe there was anything I could’ve done better growing up to prevent the situation that I currently deal with. Yes, I could try to reach out now but I don’t care to. If you’ve gone 24 years and never once cared about me, why should I even want you in my life?

And on the other hand, my exes family is a dysfunctional mess. They physically fight and dog one another worse than a stranger off the street… something that I don’t want my sons to be exposed to.

I just don’t want my kids to ever feel alone and unloved due to the lack of family.

I don’t want them to grow up and feel the same emotions that I feel now. I don’t want them to fill what’s supposed to be a positive moment with negative feelings. I don’t want them to not want to have a birthday party or a wedding (one day) because they don’t want to constantly answer that annoying question of “where is the rest of your family”. 

ANYWHO…

With that being said, I will be my mom inviting the entire world to their birthday party, going over the top to make sure they feel like the most important and incredible person on THEIR day.. and every day.

Next year, you are all invited.

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New friends? — August 23, 2017

New friends?

“I don’t have any friends”

I’ve seen this on my Facebook timeline over the past few weeks and I really want to know what does this mean?

Was this posted out of anger or frustration or do these people genuinely have NO friends?

Are you actually the reason that you feel the way you do? Because maybe you do have friends but they’re not available at the times that you need/want them. Or maybe you don’t have friends but a lot of acquaintances… because you lack basic socializing skills or the drive to keep a friend is not in you.

Is it because you have a lot of friends for “turning up” but you don’t have a friend that wants to do dinner and girl chat? Or maybe you do have friends that you can gossip with but you don’t trust them enough to tell your everyday problems and seek advice.

When I see this, it bugs me… especially if it’s coming from someone who I consider a friend. Like what am I to you? It evens makes me think “am I not a good enough friend for you?” 

My family migrated from another country but not everyone followed. I only know a few family members. I’m not even close with my sisters and brothers who live in the United States. I don’t know what it’s like to have cousins or family that are of similar age so my friendships mean the world to me. I look at my female friends as sisters.

I admit I have trust issues so I don’t call everyone a “friend”. I’ve been stabbed in the back, side, and front from some of my closest “friends”. And I don’t have a lot of friends. But the people that I do give this title to mean the world to me! I would do anything to put a smile on their face and I am a listening ear at any time of the day.

So when I can’t find anyone to attend an event with me or I’m just plain bored with nothing to do, I don’t sit on social media and complain. Everyone has their own life to live and they are not entitled to be apart of mine when I want them to be.

If you feel like you’re always alone, how about attending networking events to expand your circle? If you’re not the face to face type of person, then join an online group. Facebook has a group for practically everything nowadays. Meet people that share the same interests as you in your area.

Stop putting these attention statuses up. You might actually turn your status into a reality but pushing off people that consider you a “friend” right out of your life.  Make a change either within yourself or the circle you choose to keep around you.

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What a man… — July 30, 2017

What a man…

When talking to someone new, I tell them that I’m looking for three things: honesty, loyalty, and good communication. Dats it. If we have this, we can make it and everything in our developing relationship will come naturally. If you’re honest with me, then I can trust you. If you’re loyal to me, then all walls are broken down. And if we can communicate our feelings whether positive or negative, then no one will ever have to assume or feel left out in the dark.

I am all about my man. No one I have ever dated can say that infidelity was a problem on my end. I sleep, breathe, and dream about you (Not in a creepy way). I’ll sit up all night trying to plan a personalized “just because” gift or learn how to cook your favorite dish. I’m also your #1 fan. I’ll help you turn your dreams into reality and help eliminate any obstacles that may come in your way.

That’s how it should be, right? Or am I completely lost in this generation?

I’ve seen too many people focus on the non-factors of their “spouse” and fall in love with bullsh*t. Or they have a good man/woman but they’re too blind to see that because their priority list is completely f**ked up.

Females will get upset over a man that doesn’t “like” their pictures on social media but it’s because their man is working hard trying to provide for the both of them. Females loving a man for his d**k and a dinner date every two weeks but he disappears when you need assistance with trying to better your life.

Men fall in love with a woman with a slim waist and fat a** but she has no job with no plans of getting one and is comfortable with living off of everyone around her. Or a man being upset that he can’t come home to a home-cooked meal every night from his lady but this is because she works full-time and takes care of their child so she’s exhausted at the end of the night.

As you’re reading this, ask your yourself, WHAT DOES MY SPOUSE BRING TO THE TABLE? What do I bring to the table?  And more importantly, should either of us be sitting at the same table?!

If no one is supplying or adding to the relationship, then find a way to fix it or MOVE ON. What’s the point of waiting for a delivery that was never scheduled to come? Relationships lead to marriage or some form of a “forever thing” if you don’t agree with marriage. But I’m slowly starting to think that my generation has forgotten that should be the goal.

I know people that are with someone that can’t give them a ride to work or the store in a time of need. I also know people who with someone they complain about Every day. Then there are others who are patiently waiting for their spouse to “act right” when their spouse has made it clear that they’re not changing anytime soon. I sit there, observing and screaming: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? 

I cannot say that I was always on the right track and I too have suffered from “lust” a few times in the past. But I learned from those mistakes and I observed others. I’ve seen true happiness in a relationship and the steps it takes to get there. It might be hard but it will never be a complete shit show.

On the other hand, if the sh*t show makes you happy, then hey have fun.

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Team no life. — July 16, 2017

Team no life.

PSA: Parents can have fun too… WITHOUT their kids.

Whether you’re married or you’re a single parent, you are still allowed to have your “me-time”. You can spend your alone time however you feel whether it’s an hour sitting on the toilet or a weekend vacation. And your alone time doesn’t necessarily have to be by yourself. You can choose to spend it with friends, other family, WHOEVER. This is your time to not worry about another human being.

People without children don’t understand the importance of this. I’m tired of seeing parents ridiculed on social media for taking a “break” from their children. Parents should not feel guilty for taking some time for themselves. Trust me, we feel the guilt.

When I went on my first post-baby vacation, I felt so bad for leaving Jay with my mom. The day before we left, he started to teeth. He ran a fever the entire four days that we were in California. I even cried after a conversation with my mom. I had to tell myself that he was in good hands. I took the vacation for a reason, so I needed to enjoy it.

When we returned to Michigan, I felt so refreshed. Although I missed my child, I also missed myself. I was able to re-connect with Karina. That trip also opened my eyes to the toxic relationship that I was in. I wasn’t able to really focus on it with everything I had going on at home. Being away and not having to worry about a single thing helped bring clarity to my life.

Everyone needs a mental break, parent or not. You need a break from your everyday activities and routine. You need to take a step on the other side and live life with no responsibilities. I really believe that everyone should take a mental vacation at least once a year. Go somewhere new and enjoy yourself. Enjoy your spouse or your friends, if you chose to invite them. YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE.

I remember having a conversation with one of my friends who stated that she was scared to have kids at our age because she wouldn’t be able to do the things she wanted to do and she didn’t want to be away from her children. She wanted to spend every day with them. I laughed at her and she couldn’t understand why I found her reasoning to be so funny.

Listen: becoming a parent does NOT stop your fun. I’m sick of people making it seem like life stops after children. The fun just gets better and the fun is more appreciated. You can still do the things that you want to do, you have to have the drive to do it. Stop using children as an excuse for your boring life.

So the next time you see a parent post a picture on social media, praise them for taking that mental break that is well deserved.

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You only get one. — July 8, 2017

You only get one.

They say the prettiest girls have the lowest self-esteem. I admired those women a few years ago. I would look at the “pretty” girl and think she had it made… she had money, an education, friends, and of course she had the man (or men). Then I became friends with these girls and found out things that I needed to know to help with my self-growth.

These girls were unhappy.

They had a lot of self-hate.

These women chase after the things that they fear the most and subconsciously put themselves in bad situations only to turn around and ask the “why me” question.

They also seek attention from the wrong places (social media, the wrong people, etc).

But the worst part of it all, they were alone. Even with all the people around them, flocking to their every need, practically drooling at their feet, they felt ALONE.

Their “friends” were more like “fans”. No one was genuine.

Shocker? Not really. Because I understood the term “quality over quantity” at a very young age. I realized that in a group of ten, I could probably count on one, MAYBE two as my real friends. The others were “fillers”… just around to make the group look poppin” even though it’s not. You could do fun group activities but no one really liked each other.

That’s the scariest part of any friendship or relationship: trying to figure out who is really on your team. Who is rooting for you and not against you? Or who is just there to be nosey?

These women that I once admired actually admired me. They came to me for advice, they came seeking guidance. They thought my life was put together… HA. Crazy how the world works, right? They definitely taught me a very important life lesson: don’t envy the next.

I try to find the good in my life and appreciate everything I have. I appreciate the lessons that my mom has taught me. And I try my best to share those lessons and promote self-love to everyone I come in contact with. You only have one life. You have to make the best out of it and embrace those flaws!

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