Not being with my children’s father was something I always feared. Having to pack a bag every week, splitting holidays, and step parents were not something that I dreamed of having to do or deal with it. This is probably one of the main reasons.. honestly, I think the only reason why I stayed with him for so long and put up with so much stuff from him.

Call me weird but co-parenting is not that bad! Although I miss my kids when they’re gone for two days, I work for half of the day so it doesn’t effect me that much. Then after work, I have time to get things done that I can’t get done when they’re around or catch up with my non-mommy friends that I NEVER see. By the time I’ve completed my long list of errands, it’s time for bed. The days they’re with their father go by so quick!

I know it affects the kids, well just Jaylen for right now. Julian is only 7 months so he doesn’t really comprehend what’s going on. Jaylen knows his dad doesn’t live with us, he knows we have two separate places. He doesn’t cry for his dad when he’s with me, except for the 5 seconds after he drops him off.

Before we split, he would take Jaylen to the barber with him for father-son haircuts but I guess he doesn’t feel the need to do that anymore now that we have split.  Until I get over my fear of barbershops (I’ll talk more about that later, LOL), I had to learn how to cut hair from YouTube videos. Little things like this make me realize that their father is going to be very non-existent in majority of their life and I’m going to have to teach my boys how to be a man eventually. I’m going to have to teach them how to ride a bike, hit a ball with a bat (which I still have to teach myself how to do), and respect women when the time comes.

Their father doesn’t help financially and I have already filed papers to handle that situation. It doesn’t bother me as much because I make enough money to provide for my family and still live a comfortable life. I also will never complain about having to buy something that my kids need. But we both played a role in bringing these kids into this world and it’s unfair for me to have to do everything on my own.He lives the life of a parent Monday – Wednesday and clocks out of his role for the remainder of the week, while I live the life of a parent 24/7, 365 days a year. I don’t get to clock out, even when they’re away from me.

I don’t want to sit here and bash their father. Jaylen loves him so …. I guess he’s doing something right, somewhere behind the doors of Narnia. He does have a lot of things that he needs to work on. He didn’t have his father in his life and his mother … is another story. So, he doesn’t really know much on this whole parenting thing.

It’s not an ideal situation and I never wanted to put my kids through this. But I was stuck at a place where it was either I stay in a relationship where I was unhappy and the only way to “make things work” was to shut my mouth and ignore all of the cheating and the lies. Or I could leave and be with someone who would love and care for me the way I deserved to be loved and cared for.. and that place was FAR away from their father. I chose happiness. I chose peace. And I don’t regret it!

The day I moved on was the day I regained my confidence, my happiness and with these things my house became a home. When we were together, I used to dread coming home. I always wanted to be by myself when I was there. Unfortunately, my happy place was at work!

Now, I love coming home. I spend majority of my time in my kids room watching them play and interact with each other.  I love decorating my house, I love cleaning as odd as that may sound. My house is my happy place, my escape.