The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

Fairy GOD-parents. — May 26, 2017

Fairy GOD-parents.

God-parents are like a second set of parents… a very, VERY close aunt/uncle… or your “unofficial” guardians. They take over when the parents can’t. When I was pregnant with Jay, I immediately knew who I wanted his god mom to be, well god-momS. At the time they were my best friends, N and C. Both were like sisters to me. I trusted them with my life.

Now, N and I fell out shortly after I had Julian. I’m still confused as to why? I’m not mad at her, never was. Jealously definitely played a factor throughout our entire friendship though. Other than that, she was a great person!

I knew our friendship had reached its expiration date but I never knew the relationship with my babies would end as well. We stopped talking around February of 2016, but she still sent presents for my youngest on certain holidays. It stopped by his third birthday, I heard nothing from her. She unofficially sent in her resignation letter.

Jaylen loved her. Julian never got the chance to get to know her. Oh well, I guess…

They’re still blessed by C, who has been a wonderful and prominent figure in their life. She has not missed a single event or milestones… perfect example of how this job is supposed to go.

Being given the title of “godparent” is an honor. I’m not talking about a number of gifts you buy or how much money you provide, I’m talking about being IN the child’s life. It’s your job to make sure they know who you are, always set a good example, and play an active role in the kid’s world.

I had godparents but I wasn’t aware they existed until I was sixteen. I don’t blame anyone but them for our non-existent relationship. They have made countless attempts to find a place in my life and I appreciate the effort but it’s just not the same. It’s funny how the world works because my “god-mom” and my mom went through the same situation N and I are going through now, but they eventually were able to mend their friendship. I don’t think there is any fixing of N and I, mainly because I don’t want anything to be fixed. I like it the way it is.

I miss her as a friend but I don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t think my children are important. I don’t want to expose them to a whishy-washy person, dropping in and out of their life as they please. I don’t regret giving her that title. It was definitely a lesson well learned.

Pick your friends and family wisely. Yes, you can’t necessarily pick who is your family but you can pick who you decide to bring around your kids.

And if someone chooses not to be in your kid’s life, then

LET THEM BE. It’s probably better that they stay away.

It’s probably better that they stay away.

Don’t chase the unwanted.

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RIP. — May 3, 2017

RIP.

Chivalry is completely dead.

I even had trouble spelling it, that’s how dead it is to my generation.

I was with one of my male friends the other day. I stopped at a gas station and as I proceeded to get out of the car I heard:

“Do you want me to pump the gas or do I have to do it?”

Excuse me… what?

Why is that even a question coming out of your mouth?

I’ve had random men come over and offer to pump my gas… granted they wanted my number but STILL. Chivalry people!

Should I not expect a man to open the door for me when I’m walking through a building? Should I not expect a man to know that he should always walk on the side closest to the road?

I’ve grown to like older men, although it’s hard to find a genuine, unmarried man. I don’t have to teach them. A majority of them know how a woman should be treated. Not saying the younger crowd doesn’t… there are a few that were taught right from wrong.

It’s sad that men of my generation lack these qualities but what’s even worse is that woman don’t know about chivalry either. They make fun of guys who actually do this or they’re startled by it. I admit I was a bit surprised when an old boyfriend of mine slapped my hand when I tried to open my car door. His exact words ewere:

“You don’t touch three things when you’re with me. Doors, chairs, and bills.”

Am I asking for too much? 

Sometimes I feel like maybe these things shouldn’t be expected from the men. Maybe I’m spoiled? Maybe I feel too highly of myself? But then I feel like I’m settling for less than I deserve. I’m adapting to the excuses and lowering my worth.

I’m raising two boys who will grow up to be men. They will be someone’s best friend, boyfriend, and husband. What I teach them reflects right back on me so I want to them to be the best representation of ME.

Doing these things are a choice. It’s also a sign of respect.

Men, please remember “it’s the little things that matter most”.

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Bye bye babies. — April 19, 2017

Bye bye babies.

We’re friends, right? So let’s get into another session of TMI w/ Kaycee.

I hate my boobs. I’m not sure if I mentioned this in a previous blog so…

If you’re one of my friends, you already know this and if you’re not well, you just learned something new. Before I had kids, I was trolling between 32 C/D. After my first born, I went up to a 34DD. While pregnant with my second, my chest spike to a 36DDD. Victoria Secret kicked me out of their club.

After he was born, I stayed at this size for a while because of breast feeding and then dropped down to a 32DD.

I’m satisfied with everything but my chest. These things either try to suffocate me when I’m laying on my back or they’re trying to escape from my bra if I lean forward. Bras… oh gawd, bras. Bra shopping is painful. I can only dream of buying a $10 bra from Forever 21 instead of throwing $60 on a new bra from some fancy boutique. Bralette tops are a no. Backless shirts are an absolute hell to the no. *sigh*

These things have a mind of it’s own. It’s like I’m constantly carrying around two toddlers on my chest. I’m about to do a DNA test on them and find their real owner because we clearly were not meant to be.

I’ve made up my mind, I’m getting rid of the extra set of twins. They have overstayed their welcome.

I’ve gotten SO much negative feedback about this.

Few women understand my everyday struggle. A lot of people don’t. They said I’m “selfish” and I should “appreciate what God gave me”. But this is coming from the same people that wear a full face of makeup everyday or workout to try and get a six pack. These are things that we weren’t born with (although a nice set of abs would be ideal). It’s something you chose to do. It’s something about you that you want to be different than how God originally created. So what’s wrong with me going down a few sizes in order to increase my self-love?

I’ve started saving and doing my research on different doctors in the area. The end goal is to get this done by 2019. To hell with the critics. They’ll be drooling over my new set of ta-tas.

“Stop complaining and start making changes”

Just make sure you’re going to be happy in the end.

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Lay those eggs. — April 12, 2017

Lay those eggs.

Take my money.

Take it all… Walmart, Target, Dollar Tree.. TAKE. IT.

I never really analyzed holidays and the meanings behind them until I had kids. It took a trip to the store for toilet paper only to come out with a cart full of junk for a holiday that’s two months for me to ask the question:

WHAT IS THIS HOLIDAY ANYWAY?

What is a Easter bunny? Does this thing lays eggs? What is his purpose? Is it even a man?! How can a male bunny lay eggs? And why are his eggs filled with expensive sh*t?

I saw an Easter basket that had a DVD player in it. I thought they were supposed to be filled with candy? An entire DVD player, guys. What 5-year-old child needs an entire DVD player as an Easter gift? So if I get them a DVD player for Easter then what in God’s name am I suppose to them for Christmas… their birthday… HOW DO YOU TOP THAT? This is getting kinda ridiculous (although I do hope that Easter basket lands on my doorstep this Sunday). 🙂

I’ll complain all day, every day about the crazy gifts for these holidays but I’m still going to buy it for my babies. I don’t plan on teaching them about the Easter bunny or these crazy fictional characters because I don’t understand the concept myself. My family wasn’t big on these holidays either growing up.

Halloween was one that my mom didn’t really partake in. She allowed me to dress up but I didn’t go trick or treating until I reached high school and no one wanted to give my grown a** candy. I do plan on doing the opposite with my kids. We’re dressing up every year and we’re having family themed costumes. And yes, they will hate me forever but I DON’T CARE.

Christmas is different. Every December, my mom made sure our home was decorated to the nines with lights and our tree was well lit with presents all for me. I’m practicing that with my boys and also starting a tradition of putting the tree up the day after Thanksgiving after visiting the drive-thru light show. I want to also start a tradition of attending the Thanksgiving parade as well if the weather permits or watching it on the big screen over a breakfast buffet.

Only thing that sucks about holidays is co-parenting. You can’t really stay true to the traditions every year because you may not be with your child. In an ideal world, you could create traditions with the other parent but that’s not the case for us. It would do more damage than good.

Anywho, holidays can get a little crazy. But try to remember the real reason behind them. Some looney person created these in order for us to bond with our loved ones. It serves some type of purpose even though it’s hard to see sometimes.

Happy Easter everyone.

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A wittle peek inside… — March 28, 2017

A wittle peek inside…

I was a man for a day. Not literally but mentally. I was able to sit down and have a deep conversation with several of my male associates. I got answers to many of my burning questions.

Have you cheated before?

Not surprised by the amount of “yes” I received. I was surprised by the people that said it because 8 out of 10 of them admitted to cheating on their current spouse… I’m talking relationships of 3+ years. These are some relationships that I used to envy. I guess everything that glitters ain’t gold.

Do you regret what you did?

Absolutely not. Everyone said it was worth it.

Wow.

A bit of a sad response but once again, I’m not surprised.

Why did you cheat? 

Many did it because of their unhappiness and dissatisfaction with their spouse. One said he cheated because he wanted to “get it out of his system before he got married”. Get what out of your system? The foundation you’re laying is rocky. You’re trying to build a relationship out of lies and unfaithfulness. Say the woman never finds out that you’re cheating and you get married, is it really going to be that easy to cut off a lifestyle you’ve had for months (maybe years) all because you have a ring on your finger?

I had a few say that they just loved to have sex. Okay, so what was your partner not doing to help satisfy your needs? Did you express that to them or did you expect them to figure it out on their own? Communication is key, guys.

Another interesting answer was that his woman “liked to be in control of everything and never let him be a man” so he “found someone who gave him his balls back”.

L – O – L.

Now I understand the whole pride thing. A lot of men feel the need to run the sh*t show. They want women to be submissive to them, be their yes man. That’s fine and all…. when you have a man who is able to handle that type of control. Some men can’t.

Good example is my ex. He tried and all he did was run our lives into a black hole. Our finances? Shambles. Our living situation? A fucking nightmare. Every time I gave him an inch of hope, he dragged us out a whole mile into nothingness. It was embarrassing. He didn’t have a mind of his own, he couldn’t handle his own life much less handle two others as well. He wasn’t ready to be “the man of the house” so I had to step up and fill shoes he was nowhere near fitting.

I think men and women forget that sometimes relationships fail because of our own flaws. It’s so easy to put the blame on others that sometimes we forget to analyze our own actions.

What do you bring to the table? Maybe the reason behind your unhappiness in a relationship stems from the lack of resources you provide.

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Super glue. — March 19, 2017

Super glue.

What is a leech? A female who literally cannot do anything without their spouse. They work and/or go to school and then run home to sit in their man’s face. Dats it. They just sit there… staring into his soul while he minds his own business, tending to his everyday activities while their girl is ignoring friends, family, and everything that doesn’t have to do with their man.

Most people would say I’m “bitter” because I’m not in a relationship. Well, that’s definitely not the case. I found leeches to be annoying while I had a whole a** man. Others might say that my exes have cheated on me so I haven’t experienced the type of love the leeches have. But naw, not every single man I’ve been with cheated on me. I have experienced the type of love when you want to be up under your man every single chance you get. But that type of love has never made me put aside my friends and family or my whole personal goals. Honestly 9 times out out ten, the man wants some space and doesn’t know how to tell the female. It’s very rare to see those feelings are mutual.

I have a few friends like this. We will make plans but they will drop me for their man in a hot quick minute. Now, I wouldn’t mind if they dropped out plans for a legitimate date with their boy toy. But they’re dropping our plans to sit and watch their man play a video game or watch him sleep. Am I just a bad friend? Am I not fun enough for you? 

I. Don’t. Get. IT.

What happens when all the left-behind friends are gone and now the man you threw them away for betrays you?  What are you going to do now that you’re all alone?

I’m really struggling trying to maintain some of the friendships I have in my life. It requires too much time and energy to keep trying with some people.

There’s more to life than your significant other.

Yes, it’s okay to be obsessed with someone but it’s okay to breathe a little. Take a little break from them and show appreciation to the other people you have in your life.

Listen… if a full-time working mother of two can clear her schedule for you, you can drop your man every once in awhile.

 `Ugly-Cute-Clingy-Girlfriend

S-E- — March 3, 2017

S-E-

Forewarning: this post may be little much but whatever. If you’re comfortable reading about sex, then continue to read. If not, then I’ll see you next week!

Sooo let’s dive right into it..

I’m clearly not a virgin. I’m a woman with needs or whatever you want to call it. And yeah, I’m not married (never been married) so bite me if you think my life decisions are “wrong” .

Trust and believe I’ve heard the lecture far too many times. My grandmother still to this day mentions it and I’m like um, ya know it’s a little too late for that ya know? Don’t get me wrong, if you believe in abstinence then DO YOU BOO BOO. I totally don’t knock anyone’s decision to wait until marriage. I chose not to. Why? Because I don’t want to wait until marriage and find out my husband has a 0.5 inch penis and no stroke game. Then I’m stuck with this for the rest of my life.

MY LIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEE.

My WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.

Before I get married, I want to do everything with my man. I want to live together because being with someone and LIVING with someone are two different things and two VERY different people. I want to connect with them on every level: physically, mentally, spiritually, and sexually. I feel that this will help us to know if we’re completely satisfied with one another.

The reason why I’m talking about sex is because I’ve chosen to wait a while before crossing that line with the person that I’m interested in. Before I was like oh hey, let’s do the deed. Maybe not the first night but after a couple of dates… but now I’m waiting, really waiting. The guys that have recently tried to talk to me are extremely pissed. But I guess that’s a good thing! It shows me that they weren’t really into me, they were more interested in the power that I carry down under.

In no way, shape, or form, do I think this will help me find my true love faster. I have friends who literally will sleep with any guy they think that’s cute and then I have friends who are practicing abstinence. Both sides have failed and successful relationships. So in reality, it doesn’t matter what you chose to with your va-jay-jay… every situation is different but neither have a better success rate than the other.

I think this decision has helped me to clear my head and open my eyes. I’m thinking with my right mind and not my ripe vag.

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<3 — February 11, 2017

<3

Have you ever wanted to show someone love that they’ve never experienced before, a love you KNOW they are deserving of? It hurts to see someone you care for hurting over something they have complete control over. No matter how many times you try to guide them to the light, they will always return back to where they first started.

I just want to grab them and be like “LET ME SHOW YOU HOW AMAZING LIFE COULD BE.

Why do we settle for what we know is no good for us? Is it because it’s already established? Are we afraid to start over? We know exactly what the arguments are going to be about, exactly why we’re unhappy, but yet we continue to put up with it because it’s our “safe spot”. We don’t want to enter the unknown. We don’t want to put in the effort to start over.

With Valentine’s day quickly approaching, I think we all need to practice self-love. Take a step back and see if you’re doing everything you need to do to make yourself happy. Are you loving yourself? If no, then WHY NOT?

Loving yourself means more than just admiring your outer appearance. Do the decisions you make every day add to your happiness? Or are you really stressing yourself out? Are you taking the necessary steps to remove that stress from your life? Or are you settling?

Spend the 14th by pampering your d*%# self.

Love yourself. 

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Numero uno. — February 8, 2017

Numero uno.

This post is WAY overdue but I wanted to include Julian’s first-year photos and they weren’t quite ready yet.. but guess what? My baby is no longer a baby anymore… well officially.

On January 15, 2017, my second born turned one and the week leading up to the big day was filled with emotion. I spent every minute observing him… trying to not to miss a single thing, trying to figure out how this year flew by so fast, and also trying to figure out how I can stop time.

I said I didn’t want to have any more kids and I still joke about it with friends and family but who am I fooling? Why should I deprive my husband of something he may want just because of my own selfish feelings?

I guess what I mean by not wanting more kids is that I don’t want them right now or in the near future! I don’t want to create another life with an empty soul. I don’t want to be responsible for another human that’s not brought into this world through love.

I don’t regret my children, I could and would NEVER. My boys are my EVERYTHING. But their father and I robbed them of having a life that is different than our own. Not saying their life will be horrible but there will be times where they will question themselves and their entire existence because of US.

Julian was sent from God. He came at a time when I needed him most. Once again, I was in a very dark place in my life and he provided the right amount of light. These boys give me purpose. They give me the drive to keep doing what I should be doing and the strive to do MORE. They are taught me love. They removed the hate from my heart and replaced it with positive thoughts and emotions.

-Fun facts-

Julian started walking at nine months, around the same time as Jaylen. He has four teeth and curly long hair. Ju-Ju is a happy, chunky toddler. He loves life. He exudes positivity and radiates energy. He’s smart and has already developed a personality of his own. He’s so attached to his momma and I love every minute of it since Jaylen is his father’s child. He loves his brother. You would think these two were in the womb together by the way they interact. They hate being apart.

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Trisey Photography

 

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Trisey Photography
Dear Mr. Donnie, — January 31, 2017

Dear Mr. Donnie,

WHAT THE F@*K ARE YOU DOOOOOIIIINNNNGGG, BRO?

It’s only been a little over a week since this spawn of Satan was sworn in as “president” and he’s already running our country into shambles. The guy is SICK.

Donnie, why do you think it’s okay to ban a group of people because of their religion? Remember our country.. the land of the free?  Or did you forget along with the fact that your wife is an immigrant as well… and your kids are not full blown Americans? That your buildings were most likely built by someone of a different race/religion? Along with the house you used to live in, the clothes on your back, and the cars you drive?

Or how about the people that guard your new place of residence? The people who are paid to protect your overly tan behind? Your maids? Your nannies because I’m sure you don’t have the time nor patience to take care of them yourself… YOUR FRIENDS? Your friend’s friends? Their family? Do you see where I’m going here?

Donnie…  you’re scared. You’re scared of the world you live in. You’re scared that someone will come in and take everything away from you. I get it. I’m scared too! But that fear should never turn into hate against an entire group of people who did nothing to you.

Hate creates loneliness. Hate for others turns into self-hate.

To the people have been affected by this man’s actions, just know that we love you and we appreciate you. We accept you. YOU ARE WANTED.

We need to stick together as a country, we CANNOT let this man nor the negative actions of anyone else drive us apart. We are strong but we are even stronger when we work TOGETHER. 

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