The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

Are you… mad? — August 24, 2016

Are you… mad?

When I started this blog, I had a purpose. I was always told in college from my journalism professors that I needed to have a blog, but I could never pick a topic. I tried music reviews, I tried talking about clothing but these vlogs turned to mush after a couple of posts because those things were not sparking that fire that I was searching for.

It finally hit me after a few trial and errors that writing about my every day life was the best thing for me because I was writing about a new topic each time. I was bored with previous blogs because although the content was different, the main idea was repetitive and it was boring! I chose to put everything out here for my readers so someone will somehow relate to something I have said. In my mind, I thought “well, if today’s post is not relatable to one, maybe the next one will be.” EVERY POST IS DIFFERENT. 

My life includes my family, friends, co-workers, significant others, enemies… no one is excluded.

Now today, I received a very disturbing call from my mother about my ex, who continuously disrespects her. The same ex who my mom gave a fully paid off vehicle to, the same ex who my mom used to stick up for when she didn’t need to. Apparently he’s upset about the fact that I have a blog… OH. He called and bashed my mother for being supportive of my blogs and reposting one of my articles on her Facebook page. OH!

I graduated December 2015 with a bachelors degree in Journalism. I spent 5 years in college, two of those years with a child, working a part-time job, slaving away trying to earn a degree. I finally have something that I am doing well in.. something I have passion for and I’m suppose to keep my mouth shut…for you?

I have never been the type to NOT express how I feel. I tell things how it is and I understand a LOT of people are not going to like it. If you don’t like it, then change it. If you don’t like that I don’t have positive things to say about you, then maybe take a look at yourself and realize what you did to make me feel this way.

It’s MY LIFE. I can pick and chose to do whatever I feel is necessary to maintain my happiness and my sanity. Everything that I chose to write are facts. No one’s full government names are listed on any of my posts. If you’re reading this and know me personally, then the things I write about are probably just a recap of what you’ve already witnessed happen in my life.

I have a voice and I have a talent. I am going to use what God gave me.

I refuse to be a mute.

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Two peas in a pod. — August 23, 2016

Two peas in a pod.

Around this time last year, I was drooling over girl clothes, wishing and praying for a sweet little girl to enter my life.. only to have my hopes and dreams crushed the following month. Let me say this though, I AM SO HAPPY I HAD ANOTHER BOY.

I get to save all of Jaylen’s clothes for Julian, even though I still buy both of them clothes every time I step foot into the red devil a.k.a TARGET. Grooming is a breeze. Their get ready process consists of a $5 brush from Walmart and a little of bit of hair lotion. Accessories include a belt, maybe a hat. I used to think boys clothing was boring before having kids. Their clothes are actually really adorable. I love putting outfits together now.

I don’t have to buy two sets of toys. Julian doesn’t even play with baby toys, he’d much rather push his big brothers cars around all day.

I absolutely adore my boys. I love watching them interact with each other. Jaylen LOVES his little brother. He’s so overprotective. He’ll hear him fussing/crying and will try to calm him down until I get to him. He watches over him, makes sure he isn’t in the line of danger. It has never been a time where I felt uncomfortable leaving them in the room alone together.

Julian lights up when Jaylen is around. He follows him everywhere. Julian has a crib, but majority of the time co-sleeps with me. The first thing Jaylen does in the morning is run into my room and says “Oh HI Ju-ian, hi baby!”.

The love they share is beautiful and it’s so interesting for me to watch every day.I grew up as an only child with my mom . I have siblings on my dad’s side, but I rarely saw them. So getting to experience and watch the bond my boys have is a joy to me.

One day… maybe… someday… a very LONG time from now… when I get happily married, I will try for my little girl. I said I didn’t want anymore kids but I said this because I was afraid of raising a lot of kids on my own. I knew in the situation that I was in, I would be doing everything on my own. I never felt that we were parenting together when we were together.

My boys are reason behind my strength and my confidence. They have made me tap into a part of myself that I never knew was there. I have become more adventurous. I’ve learned to conquer some of my fears. I also have a strang addiction to Paw Patrol now.. lol.

These kids have made me take a look and realize what really matters in life. They wake up everyday with no care in the world, they live life on the edge, and their main goal is just to have fun every. single. day. They have taught me to stop every once in awhile, take a break from my everyday worries and just enjoy the world around me.

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The tales of co-parenting. — August 20, 2016

The tales of co-parenting.

Not being with my children’s father was something I always feared. Having to pack a bag every week, splitting holidays, and step parents were not something that I dreamed of having to do or deal with it. This is probably one of the main reasons.. honestly, I think the only reason why I stayed with him for so long and put up with so much stuff from him.

Call me weird but co-parenting is not that bad! Although I miss my kids when they’re gone for two days, I work for half of the day so it doesn’t effect me that much. Then after work, I have time to get things done that I can’t get done when they’re around or catch up with my non-mommy friends that I NEVER see. By the time I’ve completed my long list of errands, it’s time for bed. The days they’re with their father go by so quick!

I know it affects the kids, well just Jaylen for right now. Julian is only 7 months so he doesn’t really comprehend what’s going on. Jaylen knows his dad doesn’t live with us, he knows we have two separate places. He doesn’t cry for his dad when he’s with me, except for the 5 seconds after he drops him off.

Before we split, he would take Jaylen to the barber with him for father-son haircuts but I guess he doesn’t feel the need to do that anymore now that we have split.  Until I get over my fear of barbershops (I’ll talk more about that later, LOL), I had to learn how to cut hair from YouTube videos. Little things like this make me realize that their father is going to be very non-existent in majority of their life and I’m going to have to teach my boys how to be a man eventually. I’m going to have to teach them how to ride a bike, hit a ball with a bat (which I still have to teach myself how to do), and respect women when the time comes.

Their father doesn’t help financially and I have already filed papers to handle that situation. It doesn’t bother me as much because I make enough money to provide for my family and still live a comfortable life. I also will never complain about having to buy something that my kids need. But we both played a role in bringing these kids into this world and it’s unfair for me to have to do everything on my own.He lives the life of a parent Monday – Wednesday and clocks out of his role for the remainder of the week, while I live the life of a parent 24/7, 365 days a year. I don’t get to clock out, even when they’re away from me.

I don’t want to sit here and bash their father. Jaylen loves him so …. I guess he’s doing something right, somewhere behind the doors of Narnia. He does have a lot of things that he needs to work on. He didn’t have his father in his life and his mother … is another story. So, he doesn’t really know much on this whole parenting thing.

It’s not an ideal situation and I never wanted to put my kids through this. But I was stuck at a place where it was either I stay in a relationship where I was unhappy and the only way to “make things work” was to shut my mouth and ignore all of the cheating and the lies. Or I could leave and be with someone who would love and care for me the way I deserved to be loved and cared for.. and that place was FAR away from their father. I chose happiness. I chose peace. And I don’t regret it!

The day I moved on was the day I regained my confidence, my happiness and with these things my house became a home. When we were together, I used to dread coming home. I always wanted to be by myself when I was there. Unfortunately, my happy place was at work!

Now, I love coming home. I spend majority of my time in my kids room watching them play and interact with each other.  I love decorating my house, I love cleaning as odd as that may sound. My house is my happy place, my escape.

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Pineapples! — August 17, 2016

Pineapples!

Dating sucks. Okay, maybe not the entire process because the free meals are great. LOL

Don’t get me wrong, I want to meet someone but the whole process of getting to know someone is long and tiring! It is extremely hard as a mother of two because your time is limited and very precious and whoever you decide to entertain has to understand that.

Now for the last few months, I didn’t feel ready to date so I basically pushed away anyone of the male species that even looked my way. I needed time to gather my life and take control of things. I started to return the attention that was given to me and I just HAVE to share this one guy in particular…

I knew “sugar daddies” were real but I truly never knew someone who had one or ever met one myself until a few weeks ago. This man approached me while I was waiting outside for my friends. He seemed normal and was also attractive. A voice in my head said “just give him your number”.

A few days later, he seemed really cool! We had great conversations, it was like I was talking to the male version of myself. Then one day, he just flipped.

I hadn’t spoken to him in about a day or two and he randomly sent me a text one morning asking if I wanted my nails done. I was shocked because in my last relationship, I wasn’t offered things like this so it threw me off. I politely declined because I felt like we just met each other and it was too soon for me to be accepting such favors from him. He immediately started to throw money at me. He didn’t like the fact that I didn’t want his gifts or money. He offered to pay my rent, car insurance, take me shopping, and take me on trips. I declined each time.

Now, I used to joke with my friends all the time about how I wanted a sugar daddy but I finally met one and yelled “PINEAPPLES.. nooo I don’t want this!”.  I promise you when I say that I never did anything more than shake this man’s hand.

Long story cut short, I BLOCKED the heck out of him from contacting me. But I did let him know I was doing it and why because there is a strong possibility that I will run into him again.

Some of my friends think I should’ve taken his money and run, others feel like I didn’t give him a chance.. but I am just not that type of person nor am I attracted by the things a man can buy me.

What would you have done in this situation? I promise I won’t judge. 🙂

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No looking back. — August 16, 2016

No looking back.

Hello, remember me guys? Sorry for the intermission.. the very long intermission. A lot has happened over the last few months and I felt like my life was taking control of me instead of the other way around. I needed a break from a lot of things, I decided writing was one of them.

So, where am I?

Let’s see, I have a wonderful career working in the heart of downtown Detroit. My two boys are growing so fast and advancing every day. I have a house (renting, not ready to buy), I have my own car. I am still single… well, let’s talk about that.

I decided to put my hurt away for some time after having baby #2. I was in a very vulnerable state of mind.. I blame it on the post-partum hormones. Their father and I were actually getting along and it felt great. I somewhat thought there could be potential for us, that maybe one day we could work something out in the future. Although I was extremely vulnerable, I still had a major wall up. I prayed every day about the situation I was in. I asked God to guide me down the right path… and he did exactly that. He showed me that this man was never meant for me. He confirmed all of my “what ifs”.

God had a bigger plan in sight for me and I needed to fully trust where he was taking me.

It has been a rough couple of years. Going from dealing with infidelity, financial issues, college problems, feeling alone, hurt, vulnerable… but I finally know my worth. I know what I deserve. I know how to say no and stand up for what I believe in.

I am stronger than the problems that I face everyday.

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