The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

Fairy GOD-parents. — May 26, 2017

Fairy GOD-parents.

God-parents are like a second set of parents… a very, VERY close aunt/uncle… or your “unofficial” guardians. They take over when the parents can’t. When I was pregnant with Jay, I immediately knew who I wanted his god mom to be, well god-momS. At the time they were my best friends, N and C. Both were like sisters to me. I trusted them with my life.

Now, N and I fell out shortly after I had Julian. I’m still confused as to why? I’m not mad at her, never was. Jealously definitely played a factor throughout our entire friendship though. Other than that, she was a great person!

I knew our friendship had reached its expiration date but I never knew the relationship with my babies would end as well. We stopped talking around February of 2016, but she still sent presents for my youngest on certain holidays. It stopped by his third birthday, I heard nothing from her. She unofficially sent in her resignation letter.

Jaylen loved her. Julian never got the chance to get to know her. Oh well, I guess…

They’re still blessed by C, who has been a wonderful and prominent figure in their life. She has not missed a single event or milestones… perfect example of how this job is supposed to go.

Being given the title of “godparent” is an honor. I’m not talking about a number of gifts you buy or how much money you provide, I’m talking about being IN the child’s life. It’s your job to make sure they know who you are, always set a good example, and play an active role in the kid’s world.

I had godparents but I wasn’t aware they existed until I was sixteen. I don’t blame anyone but them for our non-existent relationship. They have made countless attempts to find a place in my life and I appreciate the effort but it’s just not the same. It’s funny how the world works because my “god-mom” and my mom went through the same situation N and I are going through now, but they eventually were able to mend their friendship. I don’t think there is any fixing of N and I, mainly because I don’t want anything to be fixed. I like it the way it is.

I miss her as a friend but I don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t think my children are important. I don’t want to expose them to a whishy-washy person, dropping in and out of their life as they please. I don’t regret giving her that title. It was definitely a lesson well learned.

Pick your friends and family wisely. Yes, you can’t necessarily pick who is your family but you can pick who you decide to bring around your kids.

And if someone chooses not to be in your kid’s life, then

LET THEM BE. It’s probably better that they stay away.

It’s probably better that they stay away.

Don’t chase the unwanted.

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RIP. — May 3, 2017

RIP.

Chivalry is completely dead.

I even had trouble spelling it, that’s how dead it is to my generation.

I was with one of my male friends the other day. I stopped at a gas station and as I proceeded to get out of the car I heard:

“Do you want me to pump the gas or do I have to do it?”

Excuse me… what?

Why is that even a question coming out of your mouth?

I’ve had random men come over and offer to pump my gas… granted they wanted my number but STILL. Chivalry people!

Should I not expect a man to open the door for me when I’m walking through a building? Should I not expect a man to know that he should always walk on the side closest to the road?

I’ve grown to like older men, although it’s hard to find a genuine, unmarried man. I don’t have to teach them. A majority of them know how a woman should be treated. Not saying the younger crowd doesn’t… there are a few that were taught right from wrong.

It’s sad that men of my generation lack these qualities but what’s even worse is that woman don’t know about chivalry either. They make fun of guys who actually do this or they’re startled by it. I admit I was a bit surprised when an old boyfriend of mine slapped my hand when I tried to open my car door. His exact words ewere:

“You don’t touch three things when you’re with me. Doors, chairs, and bills.”

Am I asking for too much? 

Sometimes I feel like maybe these things shouldn’t be expected from the men. Maybe I’m spoiled? Maybe I feel too highly of myself? But then I feel like I’m settling for less than I deserve. I’m adapting to the excuses and lowering my worth.

I’m raising two boys who will grow up to be men. They will be someone’s best friend, boyfriend, and husband. What I teach them reflects right back on me so I want to them to be the best representation of ME.

Doing these things are a choice. It’s also a sign of respect.

Men, please remember “it’s the little things that matter most”.

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