The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

32 weeks and counting. — November 28, 2015

32 weeks and counting.

WHERE IS TIME GOING?

I feel like it was just yesterday that I was freaking out with my friend on the phone, discussing the results of my at-home pregnancy test. I have less than two months left until Julian arrives. I have this strong feeling that my due date is a week or two off so I might have him earlier than expected.

I’ve also been having this feeling that he is not a “he”. Weird right? But I really think  Julian is a girl. Maybe it’s because I really wanted a girl so my brain is playing tricks on me… lol

Guys, can we take a moment to recognize the fact that it’s about to be 2016?! I feel like 2015 was a blur. Did we celebrate every holiday? Did we skip a month or two? I feel like I can’t even remember half of the things I did this year. I’m excited though. 2016 is my fresh start.. as cliche as it may sound. I have so many goals set for myself in 2016 and I’m ready to leave the baggage of this year behind.

Of course, finding a full-time job is my #1 priority. I also want to move out of my moms place. I don’t think I ever mentioned this but after splitting with the father of my children this summer, he went on to live in his own home while I ended up back at my mom’s place. I was working part-time and attending school full-time so affording a place on my own was not happening. I love my mom and all that she has done for us but um…

I’m ready to get out of here!

I also want to take my boys on a family trip. I want them to put their feet in sand and play in the ocean. I want them to see something other than Michigan.

I have a lot to accomplish in 2016 and I’m ready to get started!

The best part of it all is that I get to start the year off with a wonderful blessing…

What are you looking forward to in 2016?

I’m feeling 23? — November 14, 2015

I’m feeling 23?

Tomorrow, November 15th, is my birthday. My 23rd birthday to be exact.

Can you feel the excitement just peeping through this page? No? Good, because I’m far from it.

Now, I am the queen of birthday celebrations. My thinking is “go big and don’t go home”. I always get mad at my friends when they don’t overly plan a huge celebration like I do every year on this special day that’s dedicated to them. The day you came into this world and blessed everyone with your presence. The day that screams YOU all over it.

But here I am, emotionless and uninterested.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m turning 23 and my life is completely in shambles or if it’s the fact that I’m two years away from the age that I hope to have my life completely together.

I’m a person that’s all about plans. I plan everything out, my future life included. The vision I had in my head for when I turned 23 has changed so much over the years. Before baby and entering a rather serious relationship, I thought I would already have my bachelor’s degree because originally I was suppose to graduate in 4 years at the age of 21. I figured I would either be in graduate school (or done with that as well) and hoped to be in a serious relationship with a man AND a company that I planned on building my career in. I also hoped to be out of Michigan!

Fast forward to after my first born…

I quickly changed my plans because switching schools set me back in credits so my graduation date had changed. This time, my 23-year-old goals were to be married or engaged to my ex (then current boyfriend/baby daddy), getting a house together, graduating of course, waiting for him to finish culinary school so we could leave Michigan, getting a dog and starting on baby #2.

Now fast forward to the present…

I am single and pregnant with baby #2 for my ex who I can’t seem to get along with, graduating in a month with my bachelor’s degree and I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do or where I’m going to work. I can’t even really get started on the job search since I am really showing at 30 weeks pregnant and my due date is literally a month after graduation. Every job I try to apply for wants me to start immediately after I graduate which obviously can’t happen with a baby expected at any minute.

Every day I get the same question: “what are your plans for after graduation?” and every day I give the same blank look on my face and reply with “I have no clue”.

Can anyone else relate? You ever just felt like you’re just not ready to be a year older? Like, can I just stay 22 for another year until I figure this thing called life out? Please??!

Who is going to be “my person”? — November 4, 2015

Who is going to be “my person”?

Yeah… so remember when I said my children’s father and I were sorta getting along? Well, that train stopped chugging. I’m getting closer to d-day and I’m low-key getting nervous. When I delivered Jaylen, I had the best doctor. My grandmother was his nurse for 10+ years so I basically grew up knowing him. He’s the family gyno… as weird as that may sound. I want him to deliver Julian, but he doesn’t deliver at the hospital of my choice. The hospital he delivers at is a sh*t show. It’s where I delivered Jaylen and I promised myself to never go back. The nurses were rude and unattentive. I felt uncomfortable the entire time.

So in order to deliver at my ideal place, I had to get a new obstetrician. It’s a women’s office with a team of twelve doctors but I won’t know who will actually be delivering my baby until the day of. I guess it depends on who is on call that night. I’ve met with about six of the twelve doctors. I hate two and I’m only in like with one. I just feel like I should have a special type of connection with the person who’s hand is going to be up, close, and personal with my lady parts, but I just don’t feel it! I’m 29 weeks so I feel like going to a whole new office isn’t going to solve my problems. Outside of the twelve doctors, the office offers two midwives.

At the rate that my life is going, I don’t really know who is going to be my support person in the delivery room. My mom was annoying when I was giving birth with Jaylen, my dad left as soon as I was about to push, and Jeremy was really my only option. At the time, it was perfect. I was in love with this man so duh, who else would I want to hold my hand as I went through 35+ hours of labor? But umm, I don’t think I can depend on him this time around, seeing as though we don’t  AND can’t even get along. I need a person, I need MY PERSON!

My friend suggested looking into the midwives at the practice. She mentioned that they’re like your support person while at the same time being your doctor. She also mentioned that I will be able to get that personal connection that I’ve been searching for. I never really did any intense research on midwives because I heard they mainly work with drug-free labors and I was set on being drugged up with the liquid juice called an epidural. But this is might be last pregnancy, so why not try something different this time?

I NEED ADVICE!

Who has had experience with a midwife? Would you do it again?

I’m trying to make a pros and cons list but I want personal opinions rather than a general article on Google.

Comment below!! 🙂