The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

Because life will always go on. — October 25, 2016

Because life will always go on.

You are being judged. You are being judged by every single person around you, whether it’s a friend, family or an enemy. No one lives life not questioning the actions of another person… even God is judging you.

I know for a fact I am being judged. I have two kids out of wedlock. I’m a black, independent woman. I don’t speak to my kid’s father… oh I KNOW I’m being judged. But guess what,

I. don’t. care.

If I were to wake up every day and think about all the things people say about me or might think about me, I would lose my mind. And if I sat there and listened to half of the stuff, I would never grow as a person.

My job has this motto “if you’re not growing, you’re dying”. I’m not sure if someone in the company made that up or if it’s an old saying but it stuck with me when I first heard it. Growth includes facing fears, facing stereotypes, and facing judgments held against you. It means fighting through the unnecessary and unwelcome comments and simply doing what YOU want to do.

The reason why I’m writing about this is because a friend of mine became … I guess frustrated recently because¬†they were giving me advice that I did not ask for nor did I want to hear it. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m all for unsolicited advice but the person on the other end of the stick should respect the fact that I don’t actually have to use the advice given. I really just had to sit down and explain that to them.

It’s great to get advice from people, but it’s up to you if you want to apply it or let it drift off in the wind. Making your own decisions helps you maintain control over your own life, your hands are the only things on the steering wheel. You can choose to go left, right or just flip the entire car around and drive in the opposite direction. Just because you choose to go down your path, doesn’t make the other person wrong. It means you decided it wasn’t right for you at the moment.

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Not so bad after all. — October 19, 2016

Not so bad after all.

This whole “give people a chance” thing is actually going pretty well! I recently connected with my first love.. yeah, I know right. He’s been trying to get in contact with me for THE LONGEST but I just wasn’t ready. I had not matured or learned from our three-year fail of a relationship. Okay, maybe it was not a fail… but it was a three-year lesson well learned.

It took my last relationship to end for me to realize that my first love was not that bad of a person. We were young and dumb. He didn’t know any better and I realized that I can’t blame his 18-year-old self forever.

One thing I’ve learned over the past few years is that you have to get over stuff in order to grow as a person. Healing can be a long process but it’s NECESSARY. This man came to me and sincerely apologized for everything that he did and the pain he put me through. He told me how much he appreciated everything I did for him and how “he wouldn’t be where is here if it wasn’t for me“.

It feels SO good to finally to be appreciated. FINALLY. I was really starting to second guess myself. My children’s father made me feel like complete donkey booty. He made it seem like I did nothing for him and I was nothing. But to finally know that someone appreciated the time and effort I put into them and a relationship that I took serious feels great.

Now, I’m definitely not getting back with my first love but I don’t hate him anymore. No hard feelings against him but the butterflies did not return to my stomach after our meeting.

I think we both got closure.. and maybe this will grow into a wonderful friendship. ūüôā

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Blessed. — October 9, 2016

Blessed.

I have a three-year old. My baby… my 6 lb, 9 oz baby is three. Wow. I still cannot believe this.

His “pawty” was a success, btw. We had a good turnout of adults and kids, more than enough food, candy and a HUGE bounce house. Jaylen was bouncing and smiling from ear to ear and my heart was so full because of this.

At one point in the day, I sat down and stared at him as he interacted with his guests. Occasionally while I was observing him, he would randomly run over and hug me. It was like he was voluntarily checking in on me, letting me know he was okay.

I sat there and thought about life before him and how confused I was. I realized how much direction this kid gave me, how much my life has changed. I also remembered all the BS I went through (and still go through) with his father after he came into my life. The many times I wanted to just give up everything and everyone.

Jaylen is so full of life. He is honestly the happiest kid. Yes, he has his moments where the toddler attitude comes out but he has more good days than bad. He literally wakes up every morning and smiles while greeting his brother and I.

Recently in my area, there was a man who murdered his two stepchildren and two of his own, four kids in total. I believe the youngest was 4 years old. He reacted and took away these innocent children’s lives because their mother wanted a divorce… he wanted her to suffer so he made her watch it all happen.He then called the cops and unapologetically waited for them on the front porch.

This situation broke my heart. Not only did the murder occur in a house that is only a few short minutes away from me but I am a dating mother of two kids . It’s scaring to not ¬†know someone’s true intentions or mental stability. This type of situation can happen to ANYONE although I hope it doesn’t. You really have to cherish every day you spend with the people you love. Make sure you let them know you appreciate and love them. Don’t take the small moments for granted.

It’s been three LONG years with Jaylen, three trying and tiring years, but honestly three of the best years of my life. Every day I get to spend with him is a blessing.

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