The Life of a Young Mama

weekly blog about a mom of two.

There’s always two sides to every story… — September 10, 2016

There’s always two sides to every story…

Recently, I was contacted by a mutual friend of my ex and I. After the conversation, I was completely flabbergasted by the amount of exaggeration and lies that were told by my ex on what happened in our relationship and why it ended. Now, I never went into full details on this blog because it’s honestly a lot…like A LOT to write. But after this conversation, I really felt the need to tell my side of the story. The only people that know this are my close friends, my mom, and my aunt… and now you guys…

I met my children’s father in 2010 when I started college at EMU. He was apart of the freshman move-in crew, thanks to his fraternity. I didn’t pay much attention to him because at the time I was already in a relationship with my first love. I left EMU in 2011 to attend Michigan State but would frequently visit EMU. Their father and I would casually joke around on Twitter… and then one thing lead to another and I was in love. He was everything I could ever want and he said everything I never imagined to hear. Now, like I mentioned before he is apart of a fraternity and my perception of fraternity boys at the time was horrible. I thought they all were idiots and not the relationship type.. but I found something different in him.

I found out I was pregnant around March 2013. Soon after, I also found out he was sexting other females the entire time we were together.I wanted to leave him and leave the relationship but my mom urged me to change my mind. She said “think about the child that you’re bringing into this world, give him another chance.” I did – mistake # 1. I also moved in with him and his two roommates – mistake #2. Moving required me to transfer back to EMU which I REALLY did not want to do. But I was thinking about “our family” and how much easier life would be if we were all under the same roof. The entire summer of 2013 was hell. I never felt more alone in my life. We argued every day. He continued to sext other females and meet up with them… let me remind you he didn’t have a vehicle at the time so he was driving my car around while doing this. I didn’t think he took our relationship serious or that he was ready for what we were about to go through.

September 27th comes and Jaylen is born but things continued to get worse. We both agreed that communication was our biggest problem. Parenting my new child became my main focus, which then lead to lack of attention to our dwindling relationship. We made a promise to each other to work on things.  I prayed everyday for God to show me what I needed to do and give me the right words to say.

We were honestly doing so well, atleast I thought we were, until summer 2014 when I realized he was still entertaining females and disrespecting our relationship. I left for about a week to clear my head. Once again, we had a conversation and said we would both do better. We left the frat house we were staying in and got our own apartment. I thought life was perfect!

HA! I was so wrong.

I found out he was carrying on a four month relationship with his 19-year-old coworker two days before Thanksgiving 2014. At the time,  he was 25. He had been lying about a lot of things.. saying he had to go to work when he didn’t, saying he was staying late or at his male friend house but he wasn’t. She sent me all of his text messages that they exchanged which included how he asked her for a “sexual relationship”. I also found out that he was finding women on craigslist and other websites asking them for sex .

I spent Thanksgiving alone because he feared I would tell our family members. He lied and told his family that I was coming but I never showed up when instead he asked me to stay at home because I “couldn’t get myself together“. I literally sat in our apartment that day wondering what I did to deserve this. I questioned everything that I ever did to this man. I wondered why is it so easy for me to be loyal to this man but he can’t seem to do the same? I sat there and thought about every single time I drove over an hour to see him in the beginning of our relationship, gave him my last so many times, picked and dropped him off from work & school, how I supported his dreams of being a professional chef, supported him the times that he went to jail and court for driving with a suspended license, how I did everything to try to see a smile on his face… and this is what I got in return.

I was so depressed. The trust was gone. I sat there and watched him cry in my face about how this girl didn’t mean anything to him but his actions definitely proved otherwise.

Guess what? Dumb Karina continued to be with him. I didn’t respect myself enough to realize that I deserved better.

Mother’s day 2015 was a great but life completely changed a week later. We got into an argument again because I caught him in a lie. He said he was over his friend’s house but he wasn’t I THOUGHT I had enough that night. Two days later, I found out I was pregnant. We were in the end of our lease for our apartment so timing was perfect. I moved back home with my mom and finished my last semester of school. This is the hell I’m always referring to in other posts.

From May 2015 until Julian was born, I prepared for this child on my own. He told me that he “wouldn’t help me prepare for a child that it isn’t here“. Everything from clothes to bottles, I bought with my minimum wage job while their father provided no assistance. I was also financially taking care of Jaylen by myself. Their father helped me for two months by providing $50 a week for three weeks out of each month. Every month after he stopped was excuse after excuse. But the lack of funds for his kids didn’t stop him from splurging on himself. Buying football tickets, going on trips to amusement parks, and taking off of work to show up for events. There were multiple times where he was scheduled to come get his child for visitation and I had to find out through a video or picture of their father at an event that he had no plans of coming to get him!

I don’t know if he was trying to get back at me because when we broke up, I removed my name off of the car my mom gave him free of charge. This truly did piss him off because he still had not gotten his license together. He lied and told me he did… but instead he ended up putting the car in his best friend’s name and continued to drive around illegally.

Oh, and remember the girl that I found out about Thanksgiving 2014? The one that he said meant nothing to him? He was dating her. Started to date her immediately after we broke up. L-O-L. And she was harassing me along with him, stalking my social media accounts and provoking my phone until I was about 8 months pregnant.

During this entire time, he would go back and forth between telling me we were just taking a break and he wanted us to have our “white picket fence” to hating me and bashing me to his family and friends. I was fed up with the lying and inconsistency. I decided to take our issues to court and denied him overnight visits with Jaylen until we had something legal set up.

Julian was born and he brought peace into both of our lives.. but only for a little while. After two/three months of happiness and getting along, I began to get harassed by his little friend. He told me that he wasn’t talking to her anymore and how he didn’t like her… blah, blah, blah. He said he blocked her from contacting him.. blah, blah, blah. He said he was ready to be with me and work on our family… blah, blah, blah.

Exhibit A, a girl at the strip club he used to work at… most likely a stripper, lol.

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Exhibit B, one of the many conversations he had with the 19-year-old.. the argument he’s referring to is an argument about her ironically. I confronted him about this girl for like the 389372237853  time and  he said he wasn’t talking to her so I “spazzed” because I knew it was in fact a lie.

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These are just two of the most recent conversations out of of the MANY conversations I’ve seen between him and women. I dealt with things like this for almost three years.

Today, he goes around telling this story about how he was a great man to me… how he didn’t leave me when we found out I was pregnant… how he did everything for me. When we were together I had my own vehicle, my own job, and was going to school full time. Days when my finances were short, my mother was my rock and my guardian angel. Never once did I open my mouth and ask for a cent from him. I was never dependent on him for anything because he showed me very early that he was not one to depend on.

I spent almost three years trying to convince someone that loving me was worth it. I spent everyday trying to prove myself to someone never intended on changing. Lots of wasted time and energy.

There it is. This is my version (very short version) of what went down in my past relationship.

I’ll probably never speak about this again because I have moved on. Dwelling on such an ugly past will block the good things that are happening in my life.

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Getting right with God. — September 5, 2016

Getting right with God.

Happy Monday, more importantly, Happy Labor day!

This past weekend was eventful. Labor Day in Michigan means long weekends, fair food, BBQ, and carnival rides. But this weekend was eventful for us because Julian was getting christened at my home church.

A christening/blessing is like a baptism, only difference is during a baptism, the individual getting baptised makes that commitment on their own. During a christening, the parents are making that commitment to raise the child in a christian household and teach them about God. For those of you that don’t know, I am seventh-day adventist. We are Christians, we believe in God and the trinity. The only thing that differs my religion from other Christians is that we attend church on Saturdays instead of Sundays… hence the word “seventh-day adventist”. We believe Saturday is the seventh-day, the day the Lord made holy for us to rest from our everyday lives and worship him. I grew up in this religion but as I got older, I drifted away. Going away to college made it hard to attend my home church. There were seventh-day adventist churches around my school but I felt uncomfortable going to this new place alone. I did a lot of worship in my dorm room.

When I moved closer to home, my church had went through a lot of changes and many members left. The service was dead… plus with a kid who can’t sit still long enough to make it through a tv commercial, I knew attending every Saturday was not going to be our favorite thing to do.

I found another church to attend, non-denominational, thanks to one of my best friends. They have day-care, service was short and sweet but also engaging… and you could wear whatever you want! I felt obligated to dress up in my best attire at my home church because wearing jeans or a t-shirt in the sanctuary was frowned upon. It’s very  hard nowadays to find a “church appropriate” outfit in stores. The new church also recorded their services so I could always watch from home.

The kids attend my home church about once a month with my mom aka nana. Although the new church was everything I wanted and more, they were missing the family vibe. I can walk into this mega church every week and still not know anyone other than my best friend but at my home church, I knew everyone. Everyone greeted you with a smile, knew you by name, and inquired about your everyday life. I didn’t want to entirely rob my kids of that feeling. This is why I chose to have them blessed by people who knew me best, my church family.

Jaylen was blessed when he was around 8 months so it was only right to have Julian blessed around the same age. Close family members and family friends attended the ceremony. Their dad and his family were not invited. Once again, we don’t like each other nor care for each other and the last thing I would want to happen is for drama to occur on such a special day.

It felt great to visit my home church and be surrounded by my church family. It also felt great knowing that my kids and I are loved and accepted by people who could easily judge us. I had two kids out of wedlock which is not something that most Christians accept. But not once during my time visiting did I feel that people were staring harder than they should.. lol.

Overall, it was a great day. 🙂

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Julian in his christening attire. 🙂

Snap-back. — September 2, 2016

Snap-back.

I used to hate my body.  I used to hate my curves… especially after having Jaylen. I wanted so badly to go back to my pre-baby body, the body that I thought was fat and overweight when in reality I was walking around with a flat tummy and was wearing size 3 jeans.

The struggle was REAL after having Jaylen. When I was pregnant, I ate everything bad and laid in bed all day. At the beginning of 2015, I started to do yoga and my body started to make little changes here and there but nothing too major. Soon after I found out that Julian was cooking in the oven and the break-up/craziness started to happen, I stopped going to my classes.

Pregnancy #2 was much better. I ate healthy and stayed active up until a few days before having Julian at the beginning of this year. I wished I would’ve done this the first time around because I lost almost of my pregnancy weight plus a little extra on the sides. I dropped down 3 pants sizes and 2 cup sizes. Medium shirts are now big on me, smalls fit perfect. This is all from 4 months of exclusively breastfeeding, healthy eating, and staying active. But I have yet to step foot in a gym so I can only imagine the progress I will make once I do. I used the boys as my excuse for not getting a gym membership. I have no excuse now thanks to co-parenting.

My other mommy friends are motivation as well. Watching others reach their body goals keeps me focused and encouraged that I can do it to!

I’ve learned to appreciate my curves. I’ve become more comfortable wearing fitted clothing. I have even started wearing crop tops again! I know my body will never go back to where it was before my babies. I can get very close but it will never be that way. I am able to turn heads when I walk in a room. I don’t want to sound cocky or too full of myself so let me break this down for you…

After having a baby, a woman’s body goes through so many changes that are hard to accept. We have a lot of questions with no answers, a lot of body shaming, and lack of confidence. To be able to gain my confidence back and learn to accept the new me is a wonderful thing! Some women never do.

Just because you’re a mother, doesn’t mean you have to trade in your skinny jeans for bell-bottoms (unless that’s what you prefer). You can be a mother but still be sexy for yourself. You can still have an hourglass figure and rock your stilettos while pushing the stroller down the street (although that sounds very uncomfortable, lol). Don’t let the world stuff you into a box they think you should be in.

If you’re at a point in your life where you want change, just remember change starts with you. You have to make the right decisions that leads you down the correct path. Another thing to remember is change does not happen overnight. It takes a lot of trial and error. Keep your head up and continue to put positive vibes into the atmosphere.

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