Most people expecting their second child fear that they won’t be able to share the love equally between the two.. or they have financial fears… or just the fear of simply raising two kids! Well, honestly none of that scares me. I’ve wanted a sibling for Jay since the day he was born. I grew up as an only child and I hated it. That particular life experience made me hate being by myself. I didn’t want that for my child. I’m excited for another child because I know that I will have the support of my family every step of the way. I also believe in God and I know that anything is possible through him.
But I can’t sit here and pretend that I’m completely fearless…
The one thing that scares me the most about this pregnancy and bringing another life into this world is … not having the one person I depended on the most in my life. Of course, he’ll still be around because he is the father of my children, but it’s not the same this time. We’re not together anymore, we hardly communicate, and we live almost an hour away from each other.
When we first ended things, I was completely distraught. Then two days later, I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I didn’t want to put stress on the baby and add on to the risks of having a miscarriage so I decided to mask my feelings. I decided not to cry anymore and completely block this whole breakup out of my head like it never happened. I view a breakup or divorce like a death, you’re losing someone you truly cared abut it. In my situation, I never got the chance to mourn.
I sit here and wonder, what if this never happened? Will my family ever feel complete again? I have all the questions but can’t seem to find the answers.. hopefully one day I will!
What fears do you have in your pregnancy, whether this is your first or fifth? 🙂